“You make me happy”
“What you said made me feel like crap”
“I didn’t end up going because of what you said”
All of these statements, and statements like it are 100% false. It’s taken me a long time to get to the heart of this lesson. Of course, I still say things like this, but I now know the true meaning behind my words.
When you say to a loved one “You make me happy,” or something similar, what you really mean is “The things you do and say give me a feeling of happiness.” It’s a subtle difference… but an important one. The only person who can ever make you happy is you. What?!?
What I mean is that everyone has their own reality, and their own way of processing things. To one person, “that thing” you said could be absolutely annoying. To another, it could be bliss. Conversely, YOU have the power to change how you think, what you think, and what your reality is. You simply have to have an open mind to yourself, and be flexible. If someone says or does something that’s annoying or “makes you feel” a certain way (upset, for example) – have a look at WHY it gave you that feeling. After all, you are choosing to feel a certain way based on what someone said. You have the power to choose otherwise 😉
For example, someone tells you they don’t like your dress. Automatically your brain starts racing: Does it make me look fat? Is the material hideous? I must look terrible! Everyone must be looking at me! I never should have bought this dress… Lets reel everything back in and hone in on the one most important thing: do YOU like your dress? In all honesty, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Herein lies your CHOICE: If you are comfortable, and you like the fabric, you can choose to feel good about your dress despite anyone’s opinion. Also – take into account that maybe that person just doesn’t like red… or would never wear that particular cut 😉
When we say things like “I didn’t end up going to the party because of what you said,” blame is being unfairly placed. No matter what anyone ever says or does, we ALWAYS have a choice. Sure, the things people say and do can influence how you feel, and therefore influence your choice – but in the end the choice is ALWAYS YOURS. Everything in your life is ultimately up to YOU. Choose to DO or DO NOT… there is always an option.
What I’ve learned is that we often don’t literally say what we mean. Language is a funny thing, but now that I have opened my eyes a little more, I try to be more careful with how I say things. On the other hand, I also take the words of others less personally. When someone tells me that I make them angry, I know that they mean that something that I have said or done has caused them to feel angry and I keep in mind that it’s their interpretation. In that situation, I do my best to apologize and clarify what I meant. Also when someone tells me that they did or said something as a result of my actions or words, I no longer take this personally either. No matter what I say or do – the choices of others remain just that: THEIR CHOICE.
Same goes for me! My choices are my own, no matter what the situation is. My only responsibility is to myself and of my words, my actions, and my thoughts. I can choose to be happy – and I do!
Then again, this is just what I think. Take it as you will ❤