“Levi, what are you chewing?”

My 38lb Jack Russell/Chihuahua mix is always up to something. That’s right, I said 38lbs. And I also said Jack Russell Chihuahua mix. Two tiny dogs combined into one GIANT fatboy on tiny, pointy legs. I digress… Generally, he is pretty good – but he has an unquenchable thirst for destroying things he thinks are his.

“Levi, what are you chewing?” my girlfriend asks. I’m sitting at the computer, she is on the couch. The dogs are in the room with us.

The recliner chair goes down, and I hear “LEVI!”

Oh no…

This was on the table. I put it there last night. It’s a Coleman beer coolie. It’s adorable and I love it.

Adorable beer coolie
Adorable beer coolie

Apparently, Levi loved it too. He loved the feeling of tearing off little pieces of it with his teeth. He loved the feeling of the rubber between his chompers, squeaking deliciously. He loved the feeling of satisfaction and destruction as the beer coolie slowly became a pile of broken rubber.

busted beer coolie
I hope he didn’t swallow any. That’s gonna hurt coming out…

I came over and inspected the damage. I swatted him in the nose with the broken remains of the coolie. Then we noticed our other dog looking mighty remorseful. I didn’t get a photo… But our other dog is considerably taller, and would be the perfect culprit for getting the coolie off the table. Then again, she looks remorseful at everything. Guilty, guilty dog.

As I reprimand Levi, I notice he is not being remorseful. He’s usually not. I’m pretty sure he’s a sociopath.

Sociopath dog is not remorseful.

I yelled at him some more. After a full three minutes of scolding, and repeating the word “BAD” over and over again in a truly disappointed voice, his ears went partially back. It was probably more due to the fact that he was sick of hearing me yell, rather than actually being remorseful… but I felt better.

sociopath dog
Semi-remorse (or frustration with loud yelling)

We may never know exactly what happened to the coolie, but I suspect the following: Olive (the tall dog) sniffs the coolie on the table. It is, after all, at the perfect height for her. She glances at her momma sitting on the couch reading, and notices she’s not watching. She gingerly grabs the coolie and ninja-slides it off the table. She begins to gently chew, so as not to arouse suspicion. Sociopath dog perks up when he notices the tall dog chewing on something fun. He waltzes over and snatches it from her (because he’s like that – I’ve seen it happen). Tall dog looks on with a sad face, thinking in the back of her head how she is a genius and won’t get in trouble now that Levi has taken the forbidden object from her. Then the real destruction begins. Levi’s tiny beak tears away at the coolie, pulling bite-sized pieces off and spitting them out on the floor. The rest is history.

I will miss that coolie.