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Uggggghhhhhh

teaspoon
I am sick. *sadface*
There’s supposed to be another post here today, but I’m too tired to edit it, fix up the photos, and put it up. I’m sick. I despise germs! It started yesterday with a little tickle in my throat. My eyes were a little sore. Then the sneezing started. I probably sneezed about a million times yesterday. I’m not even exaggerating. Not even a little (ok, maybe a little… but it FELT like a million!).

Anyhoodle. There are excellent things planned, but my sore, scratchy throat is taking precedence at the moment. I’m trying to soothe it with some tea. I’m having oatmeal for breakfast because it’s warm and squishy. Good for the throat? Who knows, but it feels good sliding down.

I have my slippers. I have my halls. I’m about to take some oil of oregano. My blankie is wrapped around me. Yep, it’s definitely Monday.

Amazon Bacon

bacontoothpaste bacongumballs baconmagnet baconcandy baconfloss

I LOOOOOOOOBE Bacon. Bacon strips, thick or thin. Back bacon. BACON BACON BACON! From time to time, I get bacon-themed things for birthdays, Christmas, and the odd “for no reason at all.” So far I have a large Mr. Bacon fridge magnet, bacon flavoured toothpaste, bacon candy, bacon bubble gum, bacon scented car fresheners, bacon t-shirts, bacon chapstick, and bacon floss! For the record, the bacon toothpaste is a little minty, so it kind of tastes a little odd. The bubble gum and candy are both pretty awesome!

I happened to be snooping around Amazon and found a GOLD MINE of bacon-themed gifts (if anyone is feeling generous…)

bacontoothpicks
Imagine finishing a bacon-tacular meal (it need not be breakfast), and getting any extra bacon out of your teeth with bacon flavoured toothpicks! No man left behind!
baconjellybeans
Feeling a little salty after a bacon burger made entirely from ground bacon, topped with bacon, and garnished with bacon fat? Cleanse your palate with a tasty dessert of Bacon Jelly Beans.
bacondrinktabs
Can’t get those bacon-y burps out after a delicious meal of bacon strips sandwiched between peameal bacon? Try Bacon flavoured effervescent drink tabs!
If your car needs a little jazzing up - why not add a little piggy-wiggy friend to your dashboard. He dances and bobs as you drive. Watch his knife slice right through him, and imagine all the bacon-y goodness inside!
If your car needs a little jazzing up – why not add a little piggy-wiggy friend to your dashboard. He dances and bobs as you drive. Watch his knife slice right through him, and imagine all the bacon-y goodness inside!
bacon-meatpuzzle
For those rainy Saturday afternoons between bacon and tomato sandwiches for lunch and bacon tacos for dinner… there’s the Sunrise in Meatopia puzzle! 500 pieces of meaty goodness (do not eat)

The best Indian food I’ve ever eaten

butter-chickenMany years ago, my brother took me to an Indian restaurant. He was in university, and this place was walking distance from his apartment. I hadn’t really had any ethnic food experiences. I was only 16.

We walked into the dingy-looking restaurant and sat down. I wasn’t sure what to expect. He ordered several dishes, and soon the steaming food came out to the table. There was butter chicken, a biryani, some aloo gobi, naan bread, and curried chick peas. I’ll never forget this meal. As I tentatively tried each dish, amazing flavours filled my mouth.

I went back to this restaurant many times while I lived in Niagara. Soon, school, work, and life took me to Toronto. Remembering my first Indian food experience, I tried restaurants in the big city – looking for that amazing flavour. The hunt was on for the best Indian food!

aloo-matar-kashmiri-rice

I went to Little India, at the recommendation of some friends. It was so tasty… but not what I remembered. I tried Babur (the one with the cute elephant on its sign), and was impressed, but it could only be a close second. I went to some very disappointing places, like Red Rose, and had some terrible eating experiences.
I kept looking, and visiting restaurants with friends. I gathered recommendations and kept looking. I tried Dhaba on King Street in Toronto. It was very delicious! I ate so much that I had a stomach ache (and eventually vomitted – my organs were being crushed by my stomach contents)! This didn’t deter me. I kept hunting. I found KAMA to be very tasty, but still not quite perfect.

I settled on Little India being the tastiest I could find in the city, but I never forgot the flavour that I first tasted in St. Catharines.

bansaree-stcatharines

Recently, I’ve moved back to the area, and I took my girlfriend to Bansaree, the restaurant my brother took me to years ago. It looks exactly the same. The sign is still there, and as you walk in, it’s still dingy looking inside. The walls are adorned with the same artwork, and the furniture is still there from years ago. It was like walking back in time.

I ordered for us – Butter chicken (my favourite), kashmiri rice, aloo matar, regular naan, and we decided to try the kashmiri naan (which I have never seen before). The food came to the table and the old familiar smells filled my nose. This is the food I remember. It’s delicious and so flavourful. It doesn’t taste like it came from a can. It tastes like an old family recipe that has been handed down from generation to generation. There is a perfect balance of richness and flavour that just can’t be duplicated. I’m home.

bansaree-decorwindow-awards

DIY watch cabinet

My girlfriend collects watches. She loves them. There are getting to be quite a pile of time pieces in her general vicinity. I’ve looked at watch cabinets. I found some jewelry boxes that were customized for watches. But if you want a watch cabinet – you’re looking at big bucks! They are beautiful and come with glass doors and shelves for displaying watches. They are also hundreds of dollars. Some are thousands of dollars. At best, the most feasible ones (only hundreds of dollars) hold a dozen watches. I felt that I could do better, and cheaper.

Cardboard GENIUS!I had a vision in my head about a dark wooden cabinet – probably one you’d see in a bathroom or for small knickknacks. My idea was to remove the shelf (or shelves) and put in some plexi-glass dividers. The plan was to fit them in much like the cardboard dividers in a wine box, with each shelf having slots in it for the  cross-shelf to fit into.

 

 

Originally $90?! YIKESI started hunting for cabinets. They are not easy to find, let me tell you. And they are EXPENSIVE. I thought about converting a medicine cabinet to have a glass front instead of a mirror, and then we stumbled upon something when on an outing to Canadian Tire. In their bathroom section, they had the exact bathroom cabinet I had envisioned. When we checked the price, it was on sale for $36… down from $90! Jackpot!

Here’s how we built the shelves:

I AM MATH
Step 1: Measure your cabinet, and do some math based on how many shelves you want. We were looking at three columns of watches, and 8 rows – for a total of 24 shelves to display beautiful watches!
It's perfect - wood with glass!
Step 2: Remove shelf from prefab cabinet of awesomeness.
Corrugated plastic sheet
Step 3: Acquire and measure plastic corrugated sheeting (Make sure to plan horizontal shelves with the corrugations going the short way, and vertical shelves with the corrugations the long way – to prevent bending!)
Adult supervision required
Step 4: Gather your tools (Measuring tape, ruler, exacto knife, marker). Mark lines where you want to cut. Use the ruler to cut straight lines!
Groovy!
Step 5: Cut grooves half way into each of the vertical and horizontal shelves, so that they fit together like the cardboard in a wine case.
Tiny white nails
Insert your assembled shelf into the cabinet and mark under each shelf. They will need support on the sides so they don’t start to sag.
Almost finished cabinet
Step 7: Admire your work and praise the gods that (a) you didn’t lop off any fingers (b) There was no major bleeding (c) the cabinet has no dents or scratches (d) the glass didn’t break (e) it actually works!
Mounted watch cabinet
Step 8: Mount that beautiful piece of work on the wall and load it up with watches! Beautiful!!

All in all, I spent:

Cabinet $36
Plastic sheeting $21
Super cool exacto knife $5
TOTAL $62

Which is pretty awesome compared to spending $10000 on this bad boy:

Seriously? $10000 for a watch cabinet?
It’s a little ridiculous to charge $10000 for something that only holds 8 watches. It is shiny though!

The wonderful world of Amazon

The other day, I found (via George Takei) the most hilarious string of reviews on an Amazon product that I’ve ever seen. I was literally crying, these reviews were so well-written and funny. The reviews were for an inflatable unicorn horn for cats… Does it get any better? Apparently Amazon has a whole HOST of hilarious and amazing products. Here are just a few (dozen) that I absolutely LOVED. Here are my top favourites:

yodelingpickle

The Yodeling Pickle! (Only 1 left in stock!!) Wait, did they actually stock more than one of these? Or are they trying it out on Amazon to see if anyone would ACTUALLY buy a yodeling pickle? Part of me wants to buy it just for the sheer bizareness of it! Apparently, you can buy them used, too. Other people who have had their fill of surprising friends and family by making their pickle yodel are making their used pickle available for others to enjoy!

fingertentaclesRemember that dream where you were an octopus, gliding lightly along the bottom of the ocean? You majestically waved your tentacles and explored your watery world, while looking for tasty prey. Now you can do this ON LAND with a set of five-finger tentacles! You can be a bona-fide Pentapus! Get two sets and you can be a Decapus! Get some for your toes and you could be an Icosapus? (I tried googling what twenty would be.. ) Take your tentacles swimming and enjoy the feeling of being a real sea-creature. Wear them to work and suction cup yourself to your coffee – or a co-worker’s face! Climb walls, and crush small animals in your strong tentacular grip!

handerpantsSave yourself from embarrassing accidents, cover up itchy psoriasis, or just look plain COOL in these epic handerpants gloves! You’ve always wanted the snug feeling of an elastic band around your wrist, and the cool white fabric against your skin is bliss. What’s better than an easy-out pocket for when your middle finger needs to excuse itself? Wear the comforta-bility of 100% polyester against your hands, and let your fingers wave in the wind! There’s no excuse for not having a pair of these. It would be great if I could have my little toes poking out of the snug security of a pair of tighty whities – Please make Feetderpants!

ranchflossDental hygiene becoming a bore? Wish you had some flavour to rub between your pearly whites? Mint getting you down?? Accoutrements has the solution for you! Tasty Ranch flavoured dental floss! Spend your morning commute with the tasty flavour of Ranch filling your mouth. No more minty mornings with this product! Mint flavour is a thing of the past. It’s time you enjoyed flossing! Why not prelude Ranch floss time with a little BACON toothpaste? Your brushing and flossing regime will never be the same again!

 

narwhalsEveryone loves a narwhal. They are magical and graceful creatures, until they stab you accidentally in the eye with their two-meter long horn… which is not actually a horn, it’s a tooth… growing out of the center of its forehead… GROSS! I digress. Back to the magical fantastical-ness of the narwhal. Personally, I’ve always wanted a narwhal. What a great family pet! You can go on a ride together, spear fish and other sea-creatures together, and crap in the water together (because that’s what water animals do. They crap in the water. It’s really gross). Anyhoodle, I don’t have a pool big enough for a narwhal, and I don’t live close enough to the lake to keep one there, either. And then I found THIS! A complete set of FIVE finger narwhals!!! Reminiscent of the five-finger tentacles, You can have a narwhal of every colour on each finger! Problem SOLVED!

candycigarettesAre you sad now that Popeye’s candy cigarettes have been renamed to Popeyes Candy Sticks, and also that they are nearly impossible to find?? Now you have options! Complete with a realistic-looking yellow-tipped filter, these tasty sticks will help groom you for future habits! No nasty nicotine stains on your fingers, kids! And you won’t come home smelling like an ash tray, either, they’re ORANGE flavoured! Be just like dad!

Quitting smoking and don’t want your super-cool friends to know? FOOL THEM with these realistic candy cigarettes! You might have to discreetly bite off the end of your candy stick so that people actually think you’re smoking… but from a block away, these candy cigarettes could be really convincing to someone you don’t want to know you’re quitting! ACT NOW! Get a pack for everyone in your family. And a case for yourself! NO DUTY or taxes on these babies!!! Smoke all you want (risk of obesity).

Throwback Thursday is so yesterday

Throwback Thursday #instagram

I’ve noticed over the past few months that there’s a new trend on Instagram – Throwback Thursdays. People post old pictures of themselves and apply super awesome hipster filters and frames to them for all to see. I posted one once. Why are old pictures always humiliating? In any case, This whole Throwback Thursday thing seemed like a lot of work. I’d have to hunt for old photos each week. Or maybe prepare ahead of time. Who has time for that? I decided to pour my energy into a much more fun Thursday activity – Thrift Store Thursday!

What is Thrift Store Thursday, you ask? Well, on Thursday – you head out to your local thrift store (or maybe two or three) and see what absolute gems you can find! From that crazy t-shirt to the weirdest coffee table book you’ve ever seen – thrift stores contain hours of entertainment. And if you happen to find anything hideous enough – why not give it a home? It all goes to charity, after all!

My personal goal is to find a bronze pirate. I know, it’s a longshot – but I know there’s one out there. So the hunt is on!

bronze pirates
Any of these bronze pirates would do to satisfy my goal! So many options!!!

I’ll be featuring Thrift Store Thursdays each week… until it gets old and boring… which could be one week, or many years! Thrift stores are a GOLD MINE for creepy and weird stuff that other people have gotten rid of for a reason.

Famous last words…

“Levi, what are you chewing?”

My 38lb Jack Russell/Chihuahua mix is always up to something. That’s right, I said 38lbs. And I also said Jack Russell Chihuahua mix. Two tiny dogs combined into one GIANT fatboy on tiny, pointy legs. I digress… Generally, he is pretty good – but he has an unquenchable thirst for destroying things he thinks are his.

“Levi, what are you chewing?” my girlfriend asks. I’m sitting at the computer, she is on the couch. The dogs are in the room with us.

The recliner chair goes down, and I hear “LEVI!”

Oh no…

This was on the table. I put it there last night. It’s a Coleman beer coolie. It’s adorable and I love it.

Adorable beer coolie
Adorable beer coolie

Apparently, Levi loved it too. He loved the feeling of tearing off little pieces of it with his teeth. He loved the feeling of the rubber between his chompers, squeaking deliciously. He loved the feeling of satisfaction and destruction as the beer coolie slowly became a pile of broken rubber.

busted beer coolie
I hope he didn’t swallow any. That’s gonna hurt coming out…

I came over and inspected the damage. I swatted him in the nose with the broken remains of the coolie. Then we noticed our other dog looking mighty remorseful. I didn’t get a photo… But our other dog is considerably taller, and would be the perfect culprit for getting the coolie off the table. Then again, she looks remorseful at everything. Guilty, guilty dog.

As I reprimand Levi, I notice he is not being remorseful. He’s usually not. I’m pretty sure he’s a sociopath.

bad-dog
Sociopath dog is not remorseful.

I yelled at him some more. After a full three minutes of scolding, and repeating the word “BAD” over and over again in a truly disappointed voice, his ears went partially back. It was probably more due to the fact that he was sick of hearing me yell, rather than actually being remorseful… but I felt better.

sociopath dog
Semi-remorse (or frustration with loud yelling)

We may never know exactly what happened to the coolie, but I suspect the following: Olive (the tall dog) sniffs the coolie on the table. It is, after all, at the perfect height for her. She glances at her momma sitting on the couch reading, and notices she’s not watching. She gingerly grabs the coolie and ninja-slides it off the table. She begins to gently chew, so as not to arouse suspicion. Sociopath dog perks up when he notices the tall dog chewing on something fun. He waltzes over and snatches it from her (because he’s like that – I’ve seen it happen). Tall dog looks on with a sad face, thinking in the back of her head how she is a genius and won’t get in trouble now that Levi has taken the forbidden object from her. Then the real destruction begins. Levi’s tiny beak tears away at the coolie, pulling bite-sized pieces off and spitting them out on the floor. The rest is history.

I will miss that coolie.

I.H8.IE

Internet Explorer 10 is THE DEVIL!

IE10isthedevil

  1. IE 10 gets automatically installed on my computer with an update I didn’t approve
    (Pushy mircosoft)
    IE10-crap
  2. Every time I load IE10, it crashes on load and runs and endless loop of “IE10 has encountered a problem, please close the application.” I hit Close Program and up pops: “Windows7 is searching for a problem to this solution”
    I hit Cancel and up pops Box 1 again!
    ie-stopped-working ie-crash-dialog
  3. The only way to exit the endless loop is to go to the task manager and kibosh the remnants or IE10
    ctrl-alt-del-win7
  4. I exuberantly Uninstall IE10 (I love removing Microsoft products from my computer!)
  5. I reboot my computer (as required by Microsoft – DEMON SPAWN)
    microsoft-demon-spawn
  6. The computer gets stuck in endless status of “Windows is configuring your computer, please do not turn off your computer”
    windows 7 stuck
  7. I wait. I wait 10 minutes. I wait 20 minutes. I wait for a total of 30 minutes, and nothing. That stupid little blue circle is still spinning!!!
    stupid-windows-wait-circle-spinning
  8. I hard boot my computer (not recommended in the middle of windows updates) by pressing the power button for 5 seconds.
  9. I sweat.  (What if it never reboots properly? What if I get a Windows error message and have to reinstall Windows???)
    ie makes me sweat
  10. I curse. (Use your imagination. I’m good at cursing)
  11. My computer reboots and installs some 32000 “updates”
    windows update stuck
  12. This takes some time. There are THIRTY TWO THOUSAND of them, after all.
  13. I wait.
  14. My computer finally boots up.
  15. IE 10 still installed.

*FACEPALM*

facepalm

I love free stuff

I love free stuff! But who doesn’t?? I’m wondering if I’m not the only one who makes purchases based on free stuff you get. I’m wondering if I’m not the only one who buys booze solely because it comes with free stuff (within reason, I won’t buy gross-tasting stuff unless it has some really epic free s#!t attached to it). This is what happens when we go to the liquor store: we hunt the aisles looking for the coolest and most lucrative freebies attached to bottles, and load up the cart! Here’s what we were able to get on one not-so-recent booze-tastic shopping trip!

Kahlua
Free mini bottle of Kahlua – you can’t buy these any more! So tasty….
garlic grater
The most adorable little cheese grater (ok, it’s for garlic) you’ve EVER SEEN! It’s sitting on the bar. I kind of want to use it for cheese…
mini JD bottle
Another mini bottle that you can’t buy anywhere. Are these samples so you can get hooked on JD and start buying bigger bottles??
Captain Morgan keychain
A completely useless and unnecessarily heavy Captain Morgan Keychain! Why is it so heavy? So that if you’re out at sea with the Captain and you drop your keys in the water, that they’ll sink faster? Still a cool prize…
free booze glass
Totally awesome beer glass! I didn’t even have to steal this from a restaurant! It’s so pretty…
bacardi can
An ENTIRE free drink, already mixed! Now, this is GOLD! I don’t even have to exert myself – a drink is already prepared for me. Winning!

It’s like when you were a kid and you asked your mom to buy cereal solely because of the cool prize you got inside. Nowadays the prizes are lame – like a free code to play an online game (LAME – I’d rather be assembling a plastic pirate ship that I can play with in the tub!). I think these liquor store prizes are WAY better than the prize at the bottom of a box of cereal – mostly because they are either adorably cute, or can get you drunk!

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