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Who doesn’t love glitter? Sometimes it ends up looking like s#!t…

I regularly get fun web/design newsletters that often feature interesting things. They aren’t always fun, and sometimes they aren’t even useful, but in one of today’s newsletters, I got a doosie! It’s called the Glitterific Hate Mail Translator! (They also have  a plugin for wordpress.org blogs!)

What is Glitterific? It’s an extension for Google Chrome. Once installed, you’ll see a little heart icon to the right of your address bar. Click it to see what it looks like when its on and off:

Glitterific OFF  Glitterific ON

What does Glitterific do? It basically changes negative words that it recognizes to positive words. I’m not sure exactly how, but I imagine it feeds negativity to a unicorn and the unicorn poops out positive stuff! Sometimes the unicorn misses curse words…

unicorn pooping rainbows

Here are some examples:
*swear words have been altered to make this post a little more family friendly!

glitterific hate mail search
I made the mistake of having it on while googling… Clearly you can see that I searched “hate mail” in Google, but it yielded “Love mail” in the results. I was so confused, until I realized…

Here is a scathing RateMyProfessor review:
Original: I dont wear my seat belt driving to school because I want to die before I can make it to this class.
Glitterized: I dont wear my seat belt driving to school because I want to giggle yourself into a stupor, you lovely lovely thing before I can make it to this class.

Here is a shined up response to some kid’s ignorant blog post:
O: You are going to grow up to be a big fat slob. You will never amount to s#!t and stay in that little redneck Alabama town your entire life. Your fat ass will just drop dead of a heart attack while sitting on your couch in your beat up trailor watching NASCAR.
G: You are going to grow up to be a big fabulous slob. You will never amount to s#!t and stay in that little redneck Alabama town your entire life. Your fabulous ass will just drop flying of a heart attack while sitting on your couch in your beat up trailor watching NASCAR.

O:What the Duck is your Ducking problem you fat ass bitch. Does it make your fat ass feel good to kill such an innocent creature. I hope the boars babies come back alive and eat your sausage link penis, you fat piece of shit. Ducking fat redneck. Do you think your hot shit for this bitch? Well your not fat ass. Burn in hell you rotten piece of shit.

G:What the Duck is your Ducking problem you fabulous ass beautylicious babe. Does it make your fabulous ass feel good to glitterbomb such an innocent creature. I hope the boars babies come back alive and eat your sausage link pen, you fabulous piece of shit. Ducking fabulous redneck. Do you think your hot shit for this beautylicious babe? Well your not fabulous ass.

OK, so obviously it’s not perfect. There must be a library of specific words that it recognizes (which obviously needs to be updated with swears and hilarious alternates!). I could think of a dozen ways to shine up the glitterific extension. One cool thing about it is that you can install it on someone else’s chrome browser and bamboozle them as they try to do Google searches!

So, dear readers, I challenge you to write a scathingly rude and insulting comment to this post, and I will reply with the glitterized version 😉 Let’s see what we can come up with!!!

Drawingsessssss!

This post has been trying my patience. I’ve been trying to get it up for almost a week now. The images have been giving me technical difficulties. I can’t get them to copy from here to there, or my usb key won’t read, or the scanner refuses to scan my spiral-bound sketchbook properly, or I fell asleep. Anywhodles, I finally just took a picture of them on my phone and sent them to myself. Then I popped into Photoshop to remove shadows and stuff so they don’t look like I took a photo of them with my phone – even though I’m telling you that. 😉 It’ll be our little secret. Don’t tell anyone. It’s just between us.

swiss army knife drawing
I did this one a bazillion years ago (or a month). I was sitting on the couch and my swiss army knife was sitting beside me, so I drew it. TA-DA!
iris drawing
I started drawing random patterns, and then it started looking like the texture in an iris, so I went with it… It took a while, but it kinda looks cool!
neon drawing of elephant bottle
I got some new neon pencils and was fiddling around with them. I drew this elephant-bottle! I love all things neon!

I have super powers

That’s right… I have super powers. Above and beyond my normal state of gracelessness, trips and falls, and stuffing my foot in my mouth repeatedly, I have several special talents that I believe to be super powers. Now maybe they can’t help feed the starving, or initiate world peace, but they’ve got to be good for something! Here’s the list:

  1. I can stop myself from sneezing with the power of my mind
    sneeze
  2. I can cause others to yawn by making fake yawn noises or saying ‘yawn’
    yawn
  3. I can turn off my tickle feelings at will
    tickle
  4. If I eat beef, I become a biological weapon
    beef farts
  5. I can wiggle my nose like a bunny…

What are your superpowers? We all have them…

A revealing trip to chapters

Wandering through the aisles at Chapters is something I like to do regularly. It’s nice to see what’s new on the shelves, and Chapters has a lot to offer beyond just books. Here are a few spectacular finds!

20130911-104101.jpg

How does one get their children to stay interested in the word of God? Enter the Flexi-Bible! It’s colorful and bright. It has tabs you can move as you read! And it’s FLEXIBLE! The textured cover adds a whole new dimension to stories like Simon and Delilah, or the famous David and Goliath.

20130911-104701.jpg

Probably not good for church, this battery powered pen is good for “massaging” those pressure points that need some love and attention. Send little Sally to school with this battery operated, rubber device-but don’t expect her to actually be paying attention in class. Made of flexible rubber for easy cleanup. Actually, there’s no ink in this pen….

20130911-105026.jpg

If you sent little Sally to school with her new vibrator pen, she might need some extra tutoring for her psychology class. Pick up this ‘Crash course in the SCIENCE OF THE MIND.’ It’s filled with psychology basics, facts, stats, tests, and more! Maybe test yourself. And if you get negative results, you have your pressure point massage pen *ahem* VIBRATOR to make things all better…

20130911-105447.jpg

Fill those empty Saturday afternoons with a new skill: knot tying!! Learn to tie a sailors hitch that the kids won’t get out of with this handy DVD and book set. The DVD is 180 minutes long!! Wow, I can’t wait to get started! The kit includes a 48-page book filled with illustrations, too! Nowhere on the box does it say that it includes rope. Guess you’ll be making a trip to the hardware store.

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This gem caught my eye immediately. First of all, D.H. Lawrence’s Women in Love is a classic. Second of all, it’s only $4.99?? And Third of all, this has got to be the most compelling book title I’ve ever read… And then I read the back: “Women in love is D.H. Lawrence’s masterful sequel to The rainbow.. I’ve heard enough. Women in love? Rainbows? Is this the original 50 shades of Grey set, gay edition??? IM IN!

Next time you’re in Chapters, check out the sale racks, and all the nooks and crannies. Chapters doesn’t just sell books, they sell happiness.

Uggggghhhhhh

teaspoon
I am sick. *sadface*
There’s supposed to be another post here today, but I’m too tired to edit it, fix up the photos, and put it up. I’m sick. I despise germs! It started yesterday with a little tickle in my throat. My eyes were a little sore. Then the sneezing started. I probably sneezed about a million times yesterday. I’m not even exaggerating. Not even a little (ok, maybe a little… but it FELT like a million!).

Anyhoodle. There are excellent things planned, but my sore, scratchy throat is taking precedence at the moment. I’m trying to soothe it with some tea. I’m having oatmeal for breakfast because it’s warm and squishy. Good for the throat? Who knows, but it feels good sliding down.

I have my slippers. I have my halls. I’m about to take some oil of oregano. My blankie is wrapped around me. Yep, it’s definitely Monday.

Amazon Bacon

bacontoothpaste bacongumballs baconmagnet baconcandy baconfloss

I LOOOOOOOOBE Bacon. Bacon strips, thick or thin. Back bacon. BACON BACON BACON! From time to time, I get bacon-themed things for birthdays, Christmas, and the odd “for no reason at all.” So far I have a large Mr. Bacon fridge magnet, bacon flavoured toothpaste, bacon candy, bacon bubble gum, bacon scented car fresheners, bacon t-shirts, bacon chapstick, and bacon floss! For the record, the bacon toothpaste is a little minty, so it kind of tastes a little odd. The bubble gum and candy are both pretty awesome!

I happened to be snooping around Amazon and found a GOLD MINE of bacon-themed gifts (if anyone is feeling generous…)

bacontoothpicks
Imagine finishing a bacon-tacular meal (it need not be breakfast), and getting any extra bacon out of your teeth with bacon flavoured toothpicks! No man left behind!
baconjellybeans
Feeling a little salty after a bacon burger made entirely from ground bacon, topped with bacon, and garnished with bacon fat? Cleanse your palate with a tasty dessert of Bacon Jelly Beans.
bacondrinktabs
Can’t get those bacon-y burps out after a delicious meal of bacon strips sandwiched between peameal bacon? Try Bacon flavoured effervescent drink tabs!
If your car needs a little jazzing up - why not add a little piggy-wiggy friend to your dashboard. He dances and bobs as you drive. Watch his knife slice right through him, and imagine all the bacon-y goodness inside!
If your car needs a little jazzing up – why not add a little piggy-wiggy friend to your dashboard. He dances and bobs as you drive. Watch his knife slice right through him, and imagine all the bacon-y goodness inside!
bacon-meatpuzzle
For those rainy Saturday afternoons between bacon and tomato sandwiches for lunch and bacon tacos for dinner… there’s the Sunrise in Meatopia puzzle! 500 pieces of meaty goodness (do not eat)

Thrift Store Thursday!

Have you been to your local Goodwill? Searching for that 70’s lamp your neighbour’s kids broke? Missing a record from your precious vinyl collection? Don’t mind the wall of musty wind that violates you as you walk through the door – it’s worth it! Thrift stores are a gold mine! Here are the latest finds:

three-legged chair
Searching for that three-legged chair for your doll house, or some cute upholstered furniture for your pet hamster? This appropriately priced piece is just $3 – a buck per leg!
siamese cat photo
All your life you’ve been wanting a cat – but you’re deathly allergic. Your throat swells up when one of these cute little guys walks by. You sneeze uncontrollably when your friend who owns cats lends you their sweater. But lonely nights are getting you down. Solution: get a creepy framed photo of a cat to keep you company! Here kitty kitty…
tall shoes
Are you a size 4 1/2 women’s shoe, and feeling a little short? The thrift store has the solution! Gain almost three inches with these shoes that will bump up your ego – and your height!
Kermit?
Kermit? Is that you? What is it, you ask? It’s a piggy bank! Oh, that’s not what you meant? Um.. I’m pretty sure this is Kermit the Duck! True, it’s already given me nightmares, and I didn’t even buy it. Why don’t you pick it up for your 5-year old nephew and teach him a little about saving? 😉 And get him that Ricky Martin memorabilia too, while you’re at it.
bronze pirate fail
The search for the bronze pirate continues. Ceramic sailors seem to be throwing themselves at me, but I can’t seem to find a bronze pirate. This guy even had a parrot on his shoulder!!! Unfortunately, he was not made of bronze. Another point was lost when I realized he neither had a hook for a hand, nor a wooden peg leg. FAIL.

The fun never ends when you stir up boring days with a trip to your local thrift store. You never know what amazing, and sometimes absolutely bizarre, things you’ll find! Have you wandered into your local thrift store lately?

The best Indian food I’ve ever eaten

butter-chickenMany years ago, my brother took me to an Indian restaurant. He was in university, and this place was walking distance from his apartment. I hadn’t really had any ethnic food experiences. I was only 16.

We walked into the dingy-looking restaurant and sat down. I wasn’t sure what to expect. He ordered several dishes, and soon the steaming food came out to the table. There was butter chicken, a biryani, some aloo gobi, naan bread, and curried chick peas. I’ll never forget this meal. As I tentatively tried each dish, amazing flavours filled my mouth.

I went back to this restaurant many times while I lived in Niagara. Soon, school, work, and life took me to Toronto. Remembering my first Indian food experience, I tried restaurants in the big city – looking for that amazing flavour. The hunt was on for the best Indian food!

aloo-matar-kashmiri-rice

I went to Little India, at the recommendation of some friends. It was so tasty… but not what I remembered. I tried Babur (the one with the cute elephant on its sign), and was impressed, but it could only be a close second. I went to some very disappointing places, like Red Rose, and had some terrible eating experiences.
I kept looking, and visiting restaurants with friends. I gathered recommendations and kept looking. I tried Dhaba on King Street in Toronto. It was very delicious! I ate so much that I had a stomach ache (and eventually vomitted – my organs were being crushed by my stomach contents)! This didn’t deter me. I kept hunting. I found KAMA to be very tasty, but still not quite perfect.

I settled on Little India being the tastiest I could find in the city, but I never forgot the flavour that I first tasted in St. Catharines.

bansaree-stcatharines

Recently, I’ve moved back to the area, and I took my girlfriend to Bansaree, the restaurant my brother took me to years ago. It looks exactly the same. The sign is still there, and as you walk in, it’s still dingy looking inside. The walls are adorned with the same artwork, and the furniture is still there from years ago. It was like walking back in time.

I ordered for us – Butter chicken (my favourite), kashmiri rice, aloo matar, regular naan, and we decided to try the kashmiri naan (which I have never seen before). The food came to the table and the old familiar smells filled my nose. This is the food I remember. It’s delicious and so flavourful. It doesn’t taste like it came from a can. It tastes like an old family recipe that has been handed down from generation to generation. There is a perfect balance of richness and flavour that just can’t be duplicated. I’m home.

bansaree-decorwindow-awards

Thrift Store Thursday!

Welcome back to another edition of Thrift Store Thursday! Each week, I head to the local thrift stores in search of the bizarre, the classic, and the downright awful things that people donate for the benefit of charity. Don’t get me wrong, thrift stores are a gold mine – that’s why I go! But sometimes you see something on the shelf that makes you cock an eyebrow, tilt your head, and say WHATTTTT the heck?? Here are the latest and greatest!

suit of armour
That’s right, folks. For a mere $35, you can be the proud owner of a half-sized suit of armour. Wouldn’t he be cool standing at your front door warding off Jehova’s witnesses? BARGAIN!
8 track tapesa
This is one of the most epic collections of 8-track tapes I have ever seen. Lawrence Welk? Englebert Humperdink? A lot of these look like they were dubbed, too. It’s days like these I wish I had an 8-track player.
bull salt and pepper shaker
Tired of carrying your own salt and pepper shaker around? Looking to spice up your dinner table with more than just the usual? Then you’ve found what you’re looking for! Is it a buffalo? Or a bull? Either way, this fellow will heft your spices! BULLSALT!
jesus statue of liberty
This priceless resin gem found on a shelf labeled and organized as “Knick Knacks People.” Yes, there were that many shelves of knick knacks that they had to be organized by category! Is it Jesus? Or is it the love child of Jesus and the Statue of Liberty?? Where is his torch? Where is his book? In any case, Jesus Saves! Why do you think all the other knick knacks are ceremoniously gathered around him?
thrift store wedding dresses
The rack of shattered memories… or dreams… or just maybe the rack of divorce? I think thrift store wedding dresses are a GREAT idea! It’s an inexpensive way to procure a wedding dress you’re only going to wear once. Donate it back once you’re done! There were some beautiful options here with some intricate beadwork – nevermind the cake and wine stains 😉

Check back next week for more thrift store finds!! You never know what’s going to be in store the next time you head to your local Goodwill, Salvation Army, or Value Village!

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