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What have you done NOW?

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boundaries

Random thoughts for a Monday

  1. The best gift you can give someone is an experience. 
  2. Love is most important thing.
  3. Standing in someone else’s shoes is a very difficult thing to do.
  4. Listening isn’t easy, but often that’s all that anyone needs you to do.
  5. Something as simple as a smile can completely change someone else’s day.
  6. Boundaries are important, and it often takes decades to figure out where you should put them.
  7. Enjoy as much of each day as you can. Even the sad, angry, and terrible moments are worth a lot.
  8. Perspective constantly changes… try to look at every situation from more than one standpoint.

single Synonyms: distinguished, especial, exceptional, exclusive, individual, isolated, lone, loner, odd, one, only, original, personal, private, rare, restricted, secluded, separate, simple, singular, sole, solitary, special, specific, unalloyed, unblended, unique, unitary, unrivaled, unshared, unusual, without equal

I’ve been single for a year now. Over the past year, a few friends have asked me “Have you met anyone yet?”

Early in the year, it was easy to simply reply “it’s too soon,” and not be pressed on the subject. I got advice from lots of people:

  • You should just start dating to get a feel for what’s out there
  • Do what you feel is right for you
  • Make sure you’re cautious and date for a while before jumping into anything serious
  • Have some fun – get out there!

All of these pieces of advice (and more) are valid, and wonderful. I received them all and filed them away.

I’m 32 going on 33. I’ve been in and out of a few relationships. I think I’m entering a really cool phase in my life where I’m starting to think about and BE about me… in a good way. For the first time I’m living on my own (I’ve always had a roommate or partner to live with). I’ve been reconnecting with old friends and connecting with new, as well as reconnecting with myself. Now that I’ve finally moved to a new place on my own, I’m really starting to enjoy single-hood.

For one thing, there’s a lot more time. More time to do the things I want to do. More time to read. More time to work on projects (of my own!) I have so much more time for me, and it’s becoming a big benefit ūüôā

I’ve also been doing a lot of inner construction work. I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last 18 months. I’m happier… much happier. I’m enjoying life. I’m stressing less. I’m smiling more.

What aren't you interested in? Love? A relationship?So, when recently another friend of mine asked me “Have you found yourself someone yet?” and I replied “No, I’m not really interested,” it was easy to defend the following question: “What aren’t you interested in? Love? A relationship?” I simply replied “I want to make sure that I’m happy before I expand my boundaries to include another person in my life.” It was short, and to the point. I didn’t have to explain myself any further ūüôā

I love my friends. They are protective of me. They are concerned. And I love that they question me, prod me, push me, and support me. I wouldn’t have it any other way ūüôā

At the ripe age of 32 years and 10 months, I have finally realized that I do not NEED a partner. The only thing I need, or will ever need, is me. It’s a concept I’m exploring and cultivating. I don’t need to be in a relationship, but it is definitely a wonderful thing to be able to share your life with another person. Removing that imperative makes the entire concept of a relationship so so so much lighter.

I’m sure that, eventually, I’ll be ready for another relationship. Right now, I’m honestly not worried about it. I’m happy being me, and I’m happy with my life. I’m really enjoying single-hood. That’s not to say that I think it would be excellent to have someone to share things with, but for the first time, I’m really enjoying just being me and having only me to worry about. Once I get really good at single-hood, and at being me and being fantastic and being happy, then I’ll take a step towards sharing myself with someone else.

Why do you love that psycho-killer?

I think I am finally coming to understand unconditional love.

I could never get my mind around it when a serial killer’s (or other criminal’s)¬†mother or wife supported them in court. How could anyone support these fiends?? But then I realized-maybe they don’t support¬†¬†them, maybe they just love them… no matter what!

It’s the same with our family, friends and loved ones. You don’t have¬†¬†to agree with them. You don’t have to share the same opinion. You don’t have to approve of their practices. You don’t have to have the¬†¬†same religion, or morals, or ethics. You don’t even have to like the same things. But if you love that person as a person, and support them regardless of smart or not-so-smart decisions they make-THAT is unconditional love! It’s a simple concept, but very difficult to practice!

So the mother supporting her son in court, the very same son who robbed a store and killed a man, is still her son. Deep down, she knows he is good, but he has simply made a bad choice. That’s why she is there-because she loves him unconditionally… Not because she condones his behaviour!

This is what I have come to realize about the people in my life, too.¬†¬†Before realizing this, it was easy to shut someone out because of one thing they¬†¬†may have done that I did not agree with. That one thing may simply¬†¬†have been a bad choice-that doesn’t make them a bad person! Plus-my opinion of the actions of others is simply that: an opinion! I may not¬†agree with a choice that a loved one makes-perhaps it is something I would not have chosen based on my personal morals and life rules-but¬†¬†that doesn’t mean I stop loving that person or wanting them in my¬†¬†life. Sure, I have the right to say something to them if they have¬†¬†hurt me, and certainly I have the right to express my opinion to¬†¬†them… In the end, I will still love them and hope that they will learn from their choices (as I learn from mine) At the end of the day,¬†I love them the same.

Caveat: I’m not saying here that we should blindly love everyone unconditionally. Certain personal boundaries should be in place with the people we keep in our lives, and it’s not good to retain the practice of keeping people in your life who are detrimental to your health.

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