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What have you done NOW?

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friends

Work out the muscles you don’t even know you have

In my day-to-day life, I’m constantly supported. Friends tell me a joke to cheer me up. My mom sends me an email to tell me she’s thinking about me. I get a text message that reminds me I’m loved. I make plans with the love of my life and go out. When things go right, the people in my life always seem to be there for me. When things go wrong, they are there along side me too. It’s a wonderful thing.

Image: westfieldcomics.com

All our lives, we come to rely on the support of others. This isn’t a bad thing. What becomes a bad thing is those few times when you’re left to your own devices, and start feeling a little lost. It’s almost like your self-reliant muscle gets weak from having such a strong support system. Like a day when you’re feeling particularly sad, and there’s no one around to distract you. Or perhaps an afternoon where you really want to do something, but no one’s available. It leaves you feeling lost, alone, and often pretty crappy. Because that self-reliant muscle is feeling too weak to carry you. That’s because we’re so used to our loved ones being there for us.

When moments or days like that happen, it’s not easy to remember that you’re not alone. There are so so so many loved ones in your life that may just be thinking of you the EXACT moment you’re feeling down – they might just be out of reach! Don’t forget that they will be within reach before you know it. If you’re unsure – reach out to them. Send out a text when you’re thinking of someone. Fire off an email to someone you haven’t heard from in a while. Or just say I love you for no reason. (I’ve found that all of these things are contagious!)

Failing all that, I’ve come to realize that there is absolutely no one I can ever rely on, like I can rely on myself. I am always going to be there for me. I am all I’ll ever always have. And that’s not a bad thing either. It’s not easy to rely on yourself when you find the unbelievably amazing support system that you rely on to be absent for a few hours, a day, or longer. No matter what, the only person that I’ll always be able to fall back on is ME.

Flex that self-reliant muscle: enjoy spending time alone! Don’t worry if you find yourself feeling a little disconnected – it’s a good thing, sometimes! You can always make the choice to reconnect. And be confident that when you need someone, if they’re not already there for you, that you can reach out your hand.

single Synonyms: distinguished, especial, exceptional, exclusive, individual, isolated, lone, loner, odd, one, only, original, personal, private, rare, restricted, secluded, separate, simple, singular, sole, solitary, special, specific, unalloyed, unblended, unique, unitary, unrivaled, unshared, unusual, without equal

I’ve been single for a year now. Over the past year, a few friends have asked me “Have you met anyone yet?”

Early in the year, it was easy to simply reply “it’s too soon,” and not be pressed on the subject. I got advice from lots of people:

  • You should just start dating to get a feel for what’s out there
  • Do what you feel is right for you
  • Make sure you’re cautious and date for a while before jumping into anything serious
  • Have some fun – get out there!

All of these pieces of advice (and more) are valid, and wonderful. I received them all and filed them away.

I’m 32 going on 33. I’ve been in and out of a few relationships. I think I’m entering a really cool phase in my life where I’m starting to think about and BE about me… in a good way. For the first time I’m living on my own (I’ve always had a roommate or partner to live with). I’ve been reconnecting with old friends and connecting with new, as well as reconnecting with myself. Now that I’ve finally moved to a new place on my own, I’m really starting to enjoy single-hood.

For one thing, there’s a lot more time. More time to do the things I want to do. More time to read. More time to work on projects (of my own!) I have so much more time for me, and it’s becoming a big benefit 🙂

I’ve also been doing a lot of inner construction work. I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last 18 months. I’m happier… much happier. I’m enjoying life. I’m stressing less. I’m smiling more.

What aren't you interested in? Love? A relationship?So, when recently another friend of mine asked me “Have you found yourself someone yet?” and I replied “No, I’m not really interested,” it was easy to defend the following question: “What aren’t you interested in? Love? A relationship?” I simply replied “I want to make sure that I’m happy before I expand my boundaries to include another person in my life.” It was short, and to the point. I didn’t have to explain myself any further 🙂

I love my friends. They are protective of me. They are concerned. And I love that they question me, prod me, push me, and support me. I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂

At the ripe age of 32 years and 10 months, I have finally realized that I do not NEED a partner. The only thing I need, or will ever need, is me. It’s a concept I’m exploring and cultivating. I don’t need to be in a relationship, but it is definitely a wonderful thing to be able to share your life with another person. Removing that imperative makes the entire concept of a relationship so so so much lighter.

I’m sure that, eventually, I’ll be ready for another relationship. Right now, I’m honestly not worried about it. I’m happy being me, and I’m happy with my life. I’m really enjoying single-hood. That’s not to say that I think it would be excellent to have someone to share things with, but for the first time, I’m really enjoying just being me and having only me to worry about. Once I get really good at single-hood, and at being me and being fantastic and being happy, then I’ll take a step towards sharing myself with someone else.

Procrastinating or Prioritizing?

My friend Aurora brought up a good point today and got me thinking.

We often put things off until later, or tomorrow. We tell ourselves we don’t have time for this now, or that it can wait until next week. I can see that this is a sort of way of prioritizing things, but what if we are not going to be here next week? What if we knew that we only had a certain amount of time to get the most important things done – how would our priorities change?

My other good friend Dani also addressed this point with me. A few times, Dani called me a “gunna.” What she meant by this was that I was “gunna” do this or “gunna” do that… but did I ever get to those tasks? Sometimes yes, but sometimes no!

So what is it that makes us think this way? Is it laziness? Is it lack of motivation to get certain things done?

I suppose there should be a fair balance between cramming in too many tasks, activities, and priorities – I mean, we have to live our lives right? But what if we got hit by a bus tomorrow? What if the earth spun of its axis, throwing us all into the vacuum of space? What experiences would you want to have before that moment? And why aren’t you getting them done now!?!

This brings us back to the old saying: Carpe Diem *Seize the Day!* How different would our lives be if we lived each day like it was our last? Our relationships would certainly be different… we’d be more forgiving and more accepting of each other, I bet! But things like survival get in the way.. the need to have a job and pay the bills. I am constantly struggling to find the balance between “getting things done” and “living life.” I would much prefer to simply live life and have experiences – but for that I think I may need to be independently wealthy.

So in terms of my every day life, I suppose I could practice simple things. Like being less judgmental of others, being more forgiving, showing and giving more love and compassion, and making an effort to follow my dreams!

Carpe Diem, people!!! *LOVE*

Disjointed

My brain hurts. My face is hot. But I feel happy. Tired, but happy.  *knuckle cracks* [I gotta quit that…]

Yes, hot cheeks. They get all red, like I’m embarrassed – but really I’m as cool as a cucumber. I have weird reactions sometimes.

I had lots of smiles and laughs today – but also some serious frustration. I have some great people who help me keep an even keel – or just REALLY distract me well so I forget about my frustration. I’m not into religion, but I think I’m blessed to have all the friends I do have. They put me up in their houses, they listen to me when I’m sad or grouchy, they hang out with me, they give me smiles and laughs. I’m one lucky kid.

I wish I was lying on grass in the sun next to the ocean with a cool breeze blowing across me. I’d go swimming, floating, gliding, kicking, pulling, breathing, bobbing. I feel so free when I’m swimming – like I could swim forever.

Thanks universe, thanks life, thanks friends, thanks family – you’re the best!

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