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The light

the-light01There’s a certain bathroom that I frequent on an infrequent basis; Usually once a week, sometimes twice. It’s a semi-public bathroom that’s used by quite a few people. Sometimes the light is on when you go in. Sometimes the light is off. But I am sometimes caught by the light (or lack thereof) with my pants down.

The owner of said bathroom has put in a special, energy-saving light switch that I like to refer to as A HORRIBLE IDEA. This light switch has a setting for OFF (off all the time), a setting for ON (on all the time), and a setting for AUTO. The AUTO setting enables a motion detector on it that turns the light on if movement is detected. If the switch is set to AUTO and you walk in, the light comes on. It will turn off after 2 minutes. Some might think this is a genius, energy-saving wonder of an idea. I do not.

When I go into the bathroom, if I remember, I will flick the switch to ON. But sometimes I forget. Maybe I’m in a rush. Maybe I just finished my third coffee and realized that I haven’t peed in five hours and my bladder is about to burst. Maybe I’m turtling and there is no time to check what position the switch is in. Sometimes I just rush in and drop trou…

the-light03It is on these occasions, in the middle of enjoying the absolute relief of release, the AUTO setting kicks in and I’m left pooping in the dark. 😐

No big deal, most would say. But they’d be wrong.
With a sad sigh in the dark, I realize I forgot to switch the light to ON. I can’t reach the switch from where I am without getting off the pot and creating a veritable mess. I wave my hands in the dark. Nothing. I wave more frantically. Nothing. I wait until my eyes adjust, and fumble for the toilet paper in the dark.

 

*FLUSH*

sabreThe only problem with these motion detectors is that they DO NOT DETECT MOTIONΒ IN THE DARK. So the entire process is counter-intuitive. Therefore, the light will only turn back on if there is lightΒ so the motion detector can see you. Since I usually go to the bathroom with the door closed, there is little to no light once the bathroom light AUTOMATICALLY turns off.Β So unless you’re on the throne with a set of airplane directing wands, or a light sabre – you’re SOL – Pun intended. Once, I actually had my phone with me and I was able to trip the motion detector mid-poop by turning my phone on and waving it around like an idiot. That only lasted for two minutes, and then the light went off again. More frantic phone-waving ensued until the end of my bathroom visit. Oh to be a fly on the wall watching myself.

I have come to the conclusion that these light switches are entirely redundant, and should be banned. Either that, or they should be re-designed with different labelling. HAVE PHONE, WILL WAVE (please turn the light off 1-2 minutes into my poop, so that I have a chance of dropping my phone in the toilet as I fumble in the dark – I like taking chances!), POOPING (I’ll be here for at least ten minutes, so please leave the light on forever), and USELESS (off).

Appropriate motion-detector-money-saving-annoying-when-you're-pooping light switch labels.
Appropriate motion-detector-money-saving-annoying-when-you’re-pooping light switch labels.
Poop icon credit: Mourad Mokrane from The Noun Project
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A revealing trip to chapters

Wandering through the aisles at Chapters is something I like to do regularly. It’s nice to see what’s new on the shelves, and Chapters has a lot to offer beyond just books. Here are a few spectacular finds!

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How does one get their children to stay interested in the word of God? Enter the Flexi-Bible! It’s colorful and bright. It has tabs you can move as you read! And it’s FLEXIBLE! The textured cover adds a whole new dimension to stories like Simon and Delilah, or the famous David and Goliath.

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Probably not good for church, this battery powered pen is good for “massaging” those pressure points that need some love and attention. Send little Sally to school with this battery operated, rubber device-but don’t expect her to actually be paying attention in class. Made of flexible rubber for easy cleanup. Actually, there’s no ink in this pen….

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If you sent little Sally to school with her new vibrator pen, she might need some extra tutoring for her psychology class. Pick up this ‘Crash course in the SCIENCE OF THE MIND.’ It’s filled with psychology basics, facts, stats, tests, and more! Maybe test yourself. And if you get negative results, you have your pressure point massage pen *ahem* VIBRATOR to make things all better…

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Fill those empty Saturday afternoons with a new skill: knot tying!! Learn to tie a sailors hitch that the kids won’t get out of with this handy DVD and book set. The DVD is 180 minutes long!! Wow, I can’t wait to get started! The kit includes a 48-page book filled with illustrations, too! Nowhere on the box does it say that it includes rope. Guess you’ll be making a trip to the hardware store.

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This gem caught my eye immediately. First of all, D.H. Lawrence’s Women in Love is a classic. Second of all, it’s only $4.99?? And Third of all, this has got to be the most compelling book title I’ve ever read… And then I read the back: “Women in love is D.H. Lawrence’s masterful sequel to The rainbow.. I’ve heard enough. Women in love? Rainbows? Is this the original 50 shades of Grey set, gay edition??? IM IN!

Next time you’re in Chapters, check out the sale racks, and all the nooks and crannies. Chapters doesn’t just sell books, they sell happiness.

More Drawingses!

Sometimes I start drawing something (like a water bottle) and things start going awry. The bottom of the bottle turns into a woman with legs. One leg is shorter and skinnier than the other and becomes a gazelle leg. A tail is added… And weirdness results!

gazellelionbottlelady
Gazelle Lion Bottle Lady

One more for today. Just a punny picture I drew. Wouldn’t it be scary if your heart REALLY attacked you? YIKES!

heartattack
Heart Attack!

Halloween Tricks and Treats

this year's costume
This year’s costume: Day of the Dead! Dia de los Muertos!

 

I love Halloween. LOVE LOVE LOVE! It’s just so much fun to dress up and be something funny or scary or just plain weird for a day. And it’s totally acceptable! It’s also nice seeing people’s faces when they see you in your costume. I dress up every year. I haven’t missed a year since I was a kid – and we made our own costumes from scratch. I also dress up at work – and my workplace is amazing! Most people participate, and we have a pot-luck party every year. This year, Halloween fell in the middle of the week, and I HAD to prepare a scary treat for my office! Here is the making of: KITTY LITTER CAKE! (I got the recipe here). It looks so real and gross, that some people may not want to eat it!!! What kind of halloween tricks or treats are you up to this year??

Make Cake
Step 1: Make two cakes. One chocolate, one vanilla
baking cakes
Step 2: Bake the cakes!
crumble granola and cookies
Step 3: Crumble granola and cookies in the blender (I used chocolate chip, but the recipe called for vanilla wafer cookies)
make vanilla pudding
Step 4: Make vanilla pudding (The recipe called for two, but I only made one!)
add food colouring to granola crumble
Step 5: Add green and blue food colouring to the granola crumble to make it look like kitty litter!
take cakes out to cool
Step 6: Don’t forget the cakes!!! Take them out to cool
crumble the cooled cake and add pudding
Step 7 and 8: Crumble the cake into a kitty litter pan (make sure it’s a brand new one!!) and add pudding
smoosh the cake mixture down
Step 9: Smoosh the cake/pudding mixture down in the pan so it becomes more cake-y (I also added some of the cookie/granola crumble to the cake/pudding mixture while smooshing for visual effect!)
sprinkle granola/cookie crumble on top
Step 10: Sprinkle the cookie and granola crumble on top of the smooshed cake. It’s starting to look authentic!!!
melt tootsie rolls to make "kitty poop"
Step 11: Melt some tootsie rolls in the micro-wave so you can form kitty poops!
place tootsie-roll poops in the "litter"
Step 12: Place your formed kitty poops into the litter. Make sure some of the litter sticks to the poops so it looks real!
make some yellow-coloured caramel
Step 13: I added this step, because I wanted my litter box to be super gross. I made some quick caramel on the stove (sugar and water + boiling) and added some yellow food colouring to make it look like pee.
put the caramel kitty pee in the litter
Step 14: Carefully pour the caramel kitty pee into pools in the litter box!
serve with an authentic kitty poop scoop spoon
Step 15: Serve in a kitty litter pan with a real kitty litter scoop for effect! I found these items at the local dollar store. It looks SO GROSS! πŸ™‚ Happy Halloween!!!

Siri Blog Duel!

Happy Friday! Today’s post is iOS6 inspired! I recently got the update for my iPhone, complete with a new and improved Siri! I rarely bothered to turn the old Siri on, as she was practically useless. No matter what I said, the majority of the time her response was “I’m not sure what you’re asking, would you like me to search the web for that?” This got superbly annoying, super fast. Apparently, the new Siri is supposed to be smarter and funnier! I was playing with the new Siri while hanging out with my girlfriend and her twin – and decided that I should challenge said twin to a Siri Blog Duel! Ang’s blog is absolutely hilarious, so I figured this challenge would garner some excellent results! Don’t forget to check out Ang’s Siri post!!!

On to the challenge! It seems that Siri has been programmed to understand quite a lot more, as well as learning a whole bunch of cheeky answers to your requests! Below are some of my favourites πŸ™‚

The first question that popped into my head was this one. Siri provided a fun answer that I was not expecting!

I asked Siri again about the woodchuck, and this was her second answer…
Now that the woodchuck was all sorted, I decided to ask Siri some personal questions to see what she would reply.

An important question for everyone, really…but Siri seems to be stone-walling me!

I thought it might help to delve a little deeper, but Siri is a coy devil…

Another vague answer!
Since Siri wasn’t being very forthcoming, I decided to pull back a little and try some easier question…

Maybe Siri would open up to me if it felt more like we were pals.. I finally got an answer!

I thought I might get somewhere with this one, but Siri was back to her old tricks. She doesn’t like getting personal!

I tried to pull a fast one on her, but it wasn’t happening…
With Siri keeping me at a distance, I thought I’d try some more existential questions that Siri might have some insight into!

I thought I’d start out with something hard. Turns out Siri doesn’t have any insight into the meaning of life…

Siri relies on WolframAlpha’s data banks to answer some of her questions. At least we got a bit of an answer here! I doubt this would satisfy any youngsters that got their hands on Siri!

The burning question that we all want to know the answer to: Is Santa Claus real? Siri provides several answers, but won’t commit to any one in particular!
I thought I’d try to ask some questions with more finite answers. Siri doesn’t seem to like philosophical or personal questions!

I didn’t check the work on this one, but I think siri did a good job at interpreting what I asked, at least πŸ˜‰

OK, so maybe this isn’t exactly a finite question… but I’m wondering what ‘finding waldo in my contacts’ will do for finding Waldo?!?
After all this, I wondered if asking generic questions, or perhaps even making statements might help Siri out of her shell. Here’s what I garnered!

In all honesty, I was expecting “Chicken Butt” to be her answer… but it looks like Siri has a little bit of sarcasm programmed in there!

Apparently Siri doesn’t appreciate knock-knock jokes…
I’ve honestly never been so offended. RUDE!
Despite Siri’s blatant dodging whether or not she loves me, it seems that there is at least a little concern for my well being!

I thought I’d try buttering Siri up to see if this might loosen her up a little. She doesn’t even take compliments well!!!

Siri gets really frustrating after a while. I suppose she’s not really meant to be a source of entertainment, but more of an iPhone related assistant… Most of the questions or statements I dictated to Siri were mis-interpreted or misunderstood. I’d say about 90% of the time, Siri’s response was “I’m not sure what that means. Would you like me to do a web search?” NO. Thank you. I can do a web search myself! Siri is useful for dictating notes or text messages, for composing a tweet, or for making you an appointment, but don’t expect much more out of her!
This last request of mine was the straw that broke the camel’s back! After this, I turned Siri off. She’s mildly entertaining, but she eats up my battery life πŸ˜‰

I spouted a series of words that started with P and Siri was helpful enough to find some restaurants that contained these items on their menu! LOL

Apps and “baby” carrots!

Most days, I prepare a food plate at work and set it on my desk to graze all day. It usually contains fruit, veggies, cheese, and usually a sandwich or other main dish. It’s nice and easy to keep at my desk, and I’m never hungry! I often take pictures of my food and usually post them on facebook πŸ˜‰ Today’s plate contained a special surprise, I HAD to create a video of my experience. I had a specific image in my mind of how I wanted to make the video look, and naturally went to the iTunes app store to hunt around. Within 1 minute, I found the app I needed: Classic Cam! I find that in most situations, there is an app for what you need. This one happens to be free – but you can purchase a premium version to get more features. I love apps! Anyhoodle – here’s this morning’s documentary of my food!

Here’s this morning’s plate of food:

And here is the interesting surprise I found!

They make ’em BIG these days!

Photo day: week 13 (or 14… )

This week was quite eventful! I went to Downey’s Farm with some friends and had a good old harvest time. I love the fall! I also included some interesting shots from a small-venue concert that I went to featuringΒ Β Hot Hot Heat. And of course, I included an interesting snapshot of my dog… Don’t forget to click on the images to enlarge them if you want to see more detail πŸ™‚ Enjoy!

 

Pumpkin patch
There were HUNDREDS of pumpkins at Downey's farm! It was amazing to see the field of orange orbs!

 

 

Goat eclipse
There were two goat pens on either side of a pathway - and a special goat catwalk above, leading from one pen to another. This daredevil was walking high above us. I call it "Goat Eclipse"

 

 

The pitcher
I took this shot down the little bar we were sitting at before watching the concert. I got a neat sort of pinhole effect because it was so dark in there - and so light at the end of the table.

 

 

Hot Hot Heat
Captured an interesting shot of Steve Bays from Hot Hot Heat. I just love the lighting and the colours on this one.

 

 

Grass in the eye
My little doggie was playing in the yard. He came in to greet me and I saw that he had grass ON his eyeball. I thought that it had to hurt, but didn't want to touch it and make things worse... He didn't seem to mind πŸ˜›

 

Photo day – week 6!! FaSHiOn SHoW

Another trip to Value Village that turned out to be WAY TOO MUCH FUN! Β Thanks to Sandra for helping me pick out some TOP OF THE LINE shirts. I had to try them all on πŸ™‚ I think that’s all the explanation needed πŸ˜‰ Don’t forget to click on the photos to enlarge them and see more detail!!

Engrish T-shirt!
This shirt was too funny - it says JOY FRIEND FAYORITE ISCOME!!!
Golden Vishnu
This shirt had and embossed golden Vishnu on the front AND back!
Australia Belly Top
This Australia belly top is neither patriotic colours, nor the correct size! πŸ™‚
That's how I roll
That's how I roll - yes, yes it is... CLASSIC!
Sunny Funny Feelin
This purple shirt gave me a "Sunny Funny Feelin" πŸ˜‰
I'm not fat, I'm just FLUFFY!!!
TOO funny - I'm not fat, I'm just FLUFFY!!!
Trained for combat - watch out boys!
"Trained for combat - watch out boys!" um... yeah - great belly shirt!
"That's what she said"
This is a classy one... "That's what she said"
Creepy one eyed baby with a bump on its head!?
CYCLOPS BABY!!! Creepy one eyed baby with a bump on its head!?
”]Who needs brains when you have these?
ENGRISH - Fashion Kids Happy Grill Wear!
ENGRISH: it says "Fashion Kids Happy Grill Wear!" (should I be BBQing?)
Heaven shirt with a happy rainbow ;)
I'm an angel in my Heaven shirt with a happy rainbow πŸ˜‰
Birds of a feather...
Um... birds... yeah πŸ™‚ It says "Birds of a feather..."
CACTO SHIRT
It says "CACTO" 'nuff said...
Seizure inducing t-shirt
Straight from the 80's this band shirt had psychedelic neon colours!
I want to espresso my feelings for you
I want to espresso my feelings for you... or latte.. whichever πŸ˜‰
Paul Frank Spider shirt
I really have nothing to say about this - it speaks for itself πŸ™‚
Save trees! Do less homework!
Interesting, but funny: Save trees! Do less homework!
I don't fetch...
I don't fetch... cute little doggie!!! This shirt was a winner πŸ™‚
I do F
I tried a vest on with this shirt and interestingly, the only letters showing were "I do F" πŸ˜‰

Weekly drawings: *insert something witty*

Well, it looks like I need to brush up my skills, dust off the old brain – and come up with some more interesting things to draw. I often find that if I force myself to draw there are one of two outcomes. Either 1) I draw something unexpectedly amazing or 2) I draw a bunch of really useless stuff that has no heart or emotion in it whatsoever. I’m making some breakthroughs lately, which is good. But still working towards the unexpectedly amazing πŸ™‚ For now, enjoy this week’s drawings!

Lost dog - answers to banana
I was thinking about a lost dog poster I saw on a post and decided to switch it up a little πŸ™‚ I plan to upgrade this into a digital artwork
Funny lil angel
Awesome swoopy hair, angel wing (just one!), crazy eyes and a thumbs up!
crazy weird skull
I was just drawing some swooping lines and out came this skull. As I have a weird thing for teeth, I had to draw them in - a whole lot of them!
cool patterned tie and lab beakers
OK so I was doodling a tie and tried to come up with a neat design. It started off with fun lines and ended up with dripping blood. And then there are those weird lab beakers. See next drawing!
silent scientist
I was thinking this could be a cool name for a band. I'd like to upgrade this sketch to digital as well πŸ™‚

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