- The best gift you can give someone is an experience.
- Love is most important thing.
- Standing in someone else’s shoes is a very difficult thing to do.
- Listening isn’t easy, but often that’s all that anyone needs you to do.
- Something as simple as a smile can completely change someone else’s day.
- Boundaries are important, and it often takes decades to figure out where you should put them.
- Enjoy as much of each day as you can. Even the sad, angry, and terrible moments are worth a lot.
- Perspective constantly changes… try to look at every situation from more than one standpoint.
This morning in the shower I was thinking about something (as I usually do). Standing under the hot water and relaxing often brings me to some interesting revelations!
I was thinking about how I’m moving to a new place with the love of my life. Not only am I moving because I want to share a space with this fantastic girl, but I’m also moving because my landlord is a bit of a douche bag. Honestly, I don’t think he’s that bad as a person. As a landlord, the story was a little different. He would come into the apartment when I was gone to do laundry (without asking), was overly stringent on the rules of just how clean the driveway should be, not to mention that the laundry room (that is in MY SPACE!) was locked and I had to call him to open it when I wanted to do laundry. But overall, he’s not such a bad guy. He’s just doing what seems right for him. Continue reading “The peeps phenomenon”
I read this awesome article 15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy, and it’s gotten me thinking about a lot of things. The latest topic on my mind has been judgement. I’ve been noticing my own judgements more, and it makes me feel awful inside when it happens.
We all do it. “She looks awful in that shirt,” “I’d NEVER do what he just did!,” “He smells bad, he should try showering more often,” and so many others. Often, we are judging people or situations without even realizing it. We even judge ourselves on a constant basis. Not only that – but we’re often worried about other people judging us, and what they are thinking about us. Why do we do that? Because WE are constantly judging, and our own thoughts and behaviours are projected BY US onto others; Hence we constantly believe that others are judging us.. because we are constantly judging!!!
It’s not easy to become more conscious of your own judgements. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to think about all the stuff going on in my head, the words that cross my lips, and my reactions to things and people. Judgement often happens automatically without us even realizing. Our brains are so used to it, it just *happens*
I’m hoping that by being aware of my judgements, that I’ll be able to start cutting them away. Judgement is essentially the practice of putting myself above others, and that’s not how I want to be. That’s not who I want to be. I’m guessing that other things will soon fall in stride – like a lot less stress, less heartache, less worry, and the reduction of negativity in general.
I’m hoping that this practice will help me* on my path of things I’d like to give up to be happy:
- Give up your need to always be right.
- Give up your need for control*
- Give up on blame*
- Give up your self-defeating self-talk*
- Give up your limiting beliefs.
- Give up complaining*
- Give up the luxury of criticism*
- Give up your need to impress others*
- Give up your resistance to change.
- Give up labels*
- Give up on your fears.
- Give up your excuses*
- Give up the past.
- Give up attachment.
- Give up living your life to other people’s expectations*
In my day-to-day life, I’m constantly supported. Friends tell me a joke to cheer me up. My mom sends me an email to tell me she’s thinking about me. I get a text message that reminds me I’m loved. I make plans with the love of my life and go out. When things go right, the people in my life always seem to be there for me. When things go wrong, they are there along side me too. It’s a wonderful thing.
All our lives, we come to rely on the support of others. This isn’t a bad thing. What becomes a bad thing is those few times when you’re left to your own devices, and start feeling a little lost. It’s almost like your self-reliant muscle gets weak from having such a strong support system. Like a day when you’re feeling particularly sad, and there’s no one around to distract you. Or perhaps an afternoon where you really want to do something, but no one’s available. It leaves you feeling lost, alone, and often pretty crappy. Because that self-reliant muscle is feeling too weak to carry you. That’s because we’re so used to our loved ones being there for us.
When moments or days like that happen, it’s not easy to remember that you’re not alone. There are so so so many loved ones in your life that may just be thinking of you the EXACT moment you’re feeling down – they might just be out of reach! Don’t forget that they will be within reach before you know it. If you’re unsure – reach out to them. Send out a text when you’re thinking of someone. Fire off an email to someone you haven’t heard from in a while. Or just say I love you for no reason. (I’ve found that all of these things are contagious!)
Failing all that, I’ve come to realize that there is absolutely no one I can ever rely on, like I can rely on myself. I am always going to be there for me. I am all I’ll ever always have. And that’s not a bad thing either. It’s not easy to rely on yourself when you find the unbelievably amazing support system that you rely on to be absent for a few hours, a day, or longer. No matter what, the only person that I’ll always be able to fall back on is ME.
Flex that self-reliant muscle: enjoy spending time alone! Don’t worry if you find yourself feeling a little disconnected – it’s a good thing, sometimes! You can always make the choice to reconnect. And be confident that when you need someone, if they’re not already there for you, that you can reach out your hand.
Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke.
One week you’re literally saving someone’s life, and are a large part of a true miracle… It seems overwhelming, but also wonderful that you can positively affect so many people simply by taking action.
People are having babies – new lives being brought into the world. You visit a friend in the hospital to see a newborn that you had a hand in naming. The world is a wonderful place.
What seems like only a few weeks later, you find yourself listening to a surreal phone call, in which one brother tells you that you have just lost your other brother. The world seems to collapse.
But this is life.
And somehow we get through it. I couldn’t do any of these things without the support of so many friends, family, and also complete strangers!
We often think we are alone in this world, fighting and struggling to stay afloat – often enacting the “every man for them-self” creedo. All I’ve got to say is that if we are living and thinking that way, we’re wrong. And it shouldn’t take a tragic accident for us to realize that we can reach out any time to just about anyone… yes, even perfect strangers.
And life goes on…
Miracles, everyday goings-on, tragedies, struggles, fights, love, laughter… so much more.
It’s ok to have a bad day or two.
Grief does not vanish completely. Memory will bring back some sadness from time to time and we learn to live with it.
We can’t change the past… We have to live in the present.
Try to remember or recall the good things, the fond memories… rather than wallowing in sadness.
Keep talking to people. About anything.
Know that you are going to get through this.
Sit in the sun, enjoy the breeze, smell the air, and feel yourself living.
single Synonyms: distinguished, especial, exceptional, exclusive, individual, isolated, lone, loner, odd, one, only, original, personal, private, rare, restricted, secluded, separate, simple, singular, sole, solitary, special, specific, unalloyed, unblended, unique, unitary, unrivaled, unshared, unusual, without equal
Early in the year, it was easy to simply reply “it’s too soon,” and not be pressed on the subject. I got advice from lots of people:
- You should just start dating to get a feel for what’s out there
- Do what you feel is right for you
- Make sure you’re cautious and date for a while before jumping into anything serious
- Have some fun – get out there!
All of these pieces of advice (and more) are valid, and wonderful. I received them all and filed them away.
I’m 32 going on 33. I’ve been in and out of a few relationships. I think I’m entering a really cool phase in my life where I’m starting to think about and BE about me… in a good way. For the first time I’m living on my own (I’ve always had a roommate or partner to live with). I’ve been reconnecting with old friends and connecting with new, as well as reconnecting with myself. Now that I’ve finally moved to a new place on my own, I’m really starting to enjoy single-hood.
For one thing, there’s a lot more time. More time to do the things I want to do. More time to read. More time to work on projects (of my own!) I have so much more time for me, and it’s becoming a big benefit 🙂
I’ve also been doing a lot of inner construction work. I’ve gone through a lot of changes in the last 18 months. I’m happier… much happier. I’m enjoying life. I’m stressing less. I’m smiling more.
So, when recently another friend of mine asked me “Have you found yourself someone yet?” and I replied “No, I’m not really interested,” it was easy to defend the following question: “What aren’t you interested in? Love? A relationship?” I simply replied “I want to make sure that I’m happy before I expand my boundaries to include another person in my life.” It was short, and to the point. I didn’t have to explain myself any further 🙂
I love my friends. They are protective of me. They are concerned. And I love that they question me, prod me, push me, and support me. I wouldn’t have it any other way 🙂
At the ripe age of 32 years and 10 months, I have finally realized that I do not NEED a partner. The only thing I need, or will ever need, is me. It’s a concept I’m exploring and cultivating. I don’t need to be in a relationship, but it is definitely a wonderful thing to be able to share your life with another person. Removing that imperative makes the entire concept of a relationship so so so much lighter.
I’m sure that, eventually, I’ll be ready for another relationship. Right now, I’m honestly not worried about it. I’m happy being me, and I’m happy with my life. I’m really enjoying single-hood. That’s not to say that I think it would be excellent to have someone to share things with, but for the first time, I’m really enjoying just being me and having only me to worry about. Once I get really good at single-hood, and at being me and being fantastic and being happy, then I’ll take a step towards sharing myself with someone else.
Maybe I’m entering a new stage of my life….
When I was a kid – I was always absorbing, asking questions, and kind of going with the flow. Parents and teachers were guiding me, telling me where to go, how, and when. Once I entered high school, I had a taste of knowledge, and began the typical teenage pull away from authority, from parents, from teachers. I wanted to be independent – but still depended so much on all of these people for answers, for support, for… well… everything. Then university started – and my REAL taste for independence occurred. I got my first chance at staying away from home and making my own decisions: if I was going to class, if I was going to do a reading, what money I was going to spend, and where… I really beginning to get a grasp on adulthood.
Then adulthood began. My first thought was :This sucks! I want to be a kid again! Doesn’t just about everyone have that moment? In any case, I plowed headfirst into adulthood – doing the things that were expected of my: getting a job, finding a place to live, exploring relationships. My mid- to late-twenties was really an information gathering time for me. Once I hit thirty – it felt like all of that absorption (from day 1 to my 30th birthday, really) had finally all come together and started forming a picture.
Up until my early thirties, I didn’t really feel like I had a full and complete view of myself, of things around me, of life in general. Now, at 32, I am finally really seeing into myself for the first time. I have finally come to a place where I accept so many things from my history.
Regrets are falling away like sandcastles into the tide – as I am realizing that they do not serve a purpose. My past has become a history of valuable learning experiences. It is no longer a place to bathe. The future is unknown to me – and I am still learning how to not play the “what if” game. I think after thirty-some-odd years of experience, I’m finally realizing what’s important: NOW, this moment!
I feel like I’m finally on the right path. Forgiveness is so much easier. Happiness is always close at hand. Sadness seems to crumble more quickly than I remember. Why? There’s so much less to worry about! The two mottoes that I have had for at least the past 8 or so years are finally really becoming crystal clear to me. They are both very simple, but usually one or the other helps to solve problems or puzzles I am facing.
One: Never Give Up! This motto should be taken with a grain of salt. There are some who might take this to the extreme and possibly apply it to projects or problems that might end up simply giving a negative ends. But it’s important in some places: never give up on loving those around you, never give up on forgiveness, never give up on yourself!
Two: No matter what, everything will work itself out. This motto, I have found, is always 100% true. No matter what you are going through, things will work themselves out (either you will work them out, or something will happen to help the process). You might go through some real crap in the interim, and feel some real pain (which usually equals REAL GROWTH), but in the end… that’s right… it’ll all work out!
I’m seriously considering adopting a new motto that I learned in my latest meditation experience: This too, will change.
What does that mean? you might ask. To paraphrase S.N. Goenka: No matter what you are facing – be it a pain in your hip, or the loss of a loved one – this will change (either the pain will pass, or you will!). It’s very difficult to keep this in perspective when you’re in the middle of suffering, but it helps to provide a light at the end of the tunnel. There’s always hope 😉
So here’s to an amazing 2011 – filled with love, compassion, opportunities, adventure, and a NEW and FANTASTIC stage of my life!
Ahh *stretch* good to be back! I’ve been battling with strep throat and copious amounts of thick, green, and sometimes chunky, infected phlegm. Most of it gets disposed of, but occasionally some slips down my throat and makes my tummy uber angry with me. Needless to say, I have conquered the germs (almost) and life must go on!
The holidays are upon us. People are hustling and bustling, shopping and wrapping… even me! This year I have decided to try and put some personal effort into my gifts. I have made my own cards (which will be posted on here in the new year), and created a few presents from scratch. Sure, I have gone to the store and fulfilled some Christmas wishes by purchasing things on people’s lists – but I think putting in a little effort and making something adds a little meaning to the gift-giving.
My family is heavily dispersed this year – one brother and my sister are in Australia, the other brother is travelling to Brazil over Christmas. Growing up I was used to my entire family getting together to open mountains of presents. I think it’s going to be a really great holiday, actually – just hanging out with mom and her man! It will be quiet, and I’ll be spending time with those I love – just like it’s meant to be… not the race from one family house to another, wrapping thousands of gifts, unwrapping thousands of gifts, trying to fit all the gifts into the car, exchanging the gifts you don’t like, recycling all that paper… it just seems so *FraZzLing* sometimes. I really look forward to a quiet few days at mom’s place, playing games together and enjoying each others’ company.
I guess as you get older, the hustle and bustle of the holiday seems less *necessary* and it’s no longer about the gifts. Don’t get me wrong, I still kind of like the gifts… but I treasure most the time I get to spend with my loved ones.
What are you doing this holiday season?
I think I am finally coming to understand unconditional love.
I could never get my mind around it when a serial killer’s (or other criminal’s) mother or wife supported them in court. How could anyone support these fiends?? But then I realized-maybe they don’t support them, maybe they just love them… no matter what!
It’s the same with our family, friends and loved ones. You don’t have to agree with them. You don’t have to share the same opinion. You don’t have to approve of their practices. You don’t have to have the same religion, or morals, or ethics. You don’t even have to like the same things. But if you love that person as a person, and support them regardless of smart or not-so-smart decisions they make-THAT is unconditional love! It’s a simple concept, but very difficult to practice!
So the mother supporting her son in court, the very same son who robbed a store and killed a man, is still her son. Deep down, she knows he is good, but he has simply made a bad choice. That’s why she is there-because she loves him unconditionally… Not because she condones his behaviour!
This is what I have come to realize about the people in my life, too. Before realizing this, it was easy to shut someone out because of one thing they may have done that I did not agree with. That one thing may simply have been a bad choice-that doesn’t make them a bad person! Plus-my opinion of the actions of others is simply that: an opinion! I may not agree with a choice that a loved one makes-perhaps it is something I would not have chosen based on my personal morals and life rules-but that doesn’t mean I stop loving that person or wanting them in my life. Sure, I have the right to say something to them if they have hurt me, and certainly I have the right to express my opinion to them… In the end, I will still love them and hope that they will learn from their choices (as I learn from mine) At the end of the day, I love them the same.
Caveat: I’m not saying here that we should blindly love everyone unconditionally. Certain personal boundaries should be in place with the people we keep in our lives, and it’s not good to retain the practice of keeping people in your life who are detrimental to your health.