I regularly get fun web/design newsletters that often feature interesting things. They aren’t always fun, and sometimes they aren’t even useful, but in one of today’s newsletters, I got a doosie! It’s called the Glitterific Hate Mail Translator! (They also have  a plugin for wordpress.org blogs!)

What is Glitterific? It’s an extension for Google Chrome. Once installed, you’ll see a little heart icon to the right of your address bar. Click it to see what it looks like when its on and off:

Glitterific OFF  Glitterific ON

What does Glitterific do? It basically changes negative words that it recognizes to positive words. I’m not sure exactly how, but I imagine it feeds negativity to a unicorn and the unicorn poops out positive stuff! Sometimes the unicorn misses curse words…

unicorn pooping rainbows

Here are some examples:
*swear words have been altered to make this post a little more family friendly!

glitterific hate mail search
I made the mistake of having it on while googling… Clearly you can see that I searched “hate mail” in Google, but it yielded “Love mail” in the results. I was so confused, until I realized…

Here is a scathing RateMyProfessor review:
Original: I dont wear my seat belt driving to school because I want to die before I can make it to this class.
Glitterized: I dont wear my seat belt driving to school because I want to giggle yourself into a stupor, you lovely lovely thing before I can make it to this class.

Here is a shined up response to some kid’s ignorant blog post:
O: You are going to grow up to be a big fat slob. You will never amount to s#!t and stay in that little redneck Alabama town your entire life. Your fat ass will just drop dead of a heart attack while sitting on your couch in your beat up trailor watching NASCAR.
G: You are going to grow up to be a big fabulous slob. You will never amount to s#!t and stay in that little redneck Alabama town your entire life. Your fabulous ass will just drop flying of a heart attack while sitting on your couch in your beat up trailor watching NASCAR.

O:What the Duck is your Ducking problem you fat ass bitch. Does it make your fat ass feel good to kill such an innocent creature. I hope the boars babies come back alive and eat your sausage link penis, you fat piece of shit. Ducking fat redneck. Do you think your hot shit for this bitch? Well your not fat ass. Burn in hell you rotten piece of shit.

G:What the Duck is your Ducking problem you fabulous ass beautylicious babe. Does it make your fabulous ass feel good to glitterbomb such an innocent creature. I hope the boars babies come back alive and eat your sausage link pen, you fabulous piece of shit. Ducking fabulous redneck. Do you think your hot shit for this beautylicious babe? Well your not fabulous ass.

OK, so obviously it’s not perfect. There must be a library of specific words that it recognizes (which obviously needs to be updated with swears and hilarious alternates!). I could think of a dozen ways to shine up the glitterific extension. One cool thing about it is that you can install it on someone else’s chrome browser and bamboozle them as they try to do Google searches!

So, dear readers, I challenge you to write a scathingly rude and insulting comment to this post, and I will reply with the glitterized version 😉 Let’s see what we can come up with!!!

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